madbodger: Virginia takes the next step

Spam (

madbodger) wrote,
@ 2008-01-20 12:42:00

Current location:	Purcellville
Current mood:	astonished
Current music:	the music of the spheres
Entry tags:	laws, marriage, religious nuts, virginia

Virginia takes the next step
20 January 2008 AP

It's official: Virginia is for lovers

Continuing along the tracks blazed by the amendment limiting marriage to "a union between one man and one woman", the Virginia legislature has completed deliberations on further defining what it is to be married. The new requirements are strict and specific, and Rob Marsnall, the state delegate from Prince William County who originated both laws, is pleased with the new definition.

"Marriage is based on love," stated Marsnall at an impromptu press conference at his home, "and is designed for procreation".

Accordingly, couples will be tested for love, using both polygraph and other physiological tests, including blood tests for hormones indicating love and EEG tests for brainwaves indicating loving feelings. Additionally, married couples will be required to demonstrate willingness to procreate by having monitored intercourse within their first year of marriage, or risk having their marriage annulled by the state.

"Suspect" marriages, those involving resident aliens, financial issues, and existing children, will be subject to extra scrutiny.

Early reports indicate that these new requirements will meet stiff competition by both voters and many politicians, as the administrative costs associated with the testing and record keeping, along with the legal issues raised by abrubt annullments, will be heavy. The increase in government oversight into peoples' private lives will also be an unpopular issue, but Marsnall is undeterred.

"People have been getting a free ride for insurance and other benefits for too long with their sham and convenience marriages," he explained, "and it's time to put an end to this. God fearing people will welcome the knowledge that their married friends and neighbors have true, blessed marriages."

Such high visibility, emotionally charged issues will provide a rich backdrop to the 2008 Presidential elections, and the candidates' views on one state's mission to define exactly what constitutes "marriage", will make for some entertaining and enlightening debate.

(Post a new comment)

	hmmm... wonder what's next? skitten 2008-01-20 05:47 pm UTC (link)
	defining what it means to live together & deciding who is allowed to live together? shudder (Reply to this)

	also_huey 2008-01-20 06:23 pm UTC (link)
	For years, my reaction to the "I (heart) my (dog head)" bumper sticker has been the addition of one of these: Now I need to start carrying an 'S' for the Virginia bumper stickers. (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2008-01-20 06:40 pm UTC (link)
	Please tell me this was in the Onion or something. Please? 'Cause if it's not, it truly underscores why I left that horrid state. (Reply to this)

	noonthirtyfive 2008-01-20 07:05 pm UTC (link)
	LOL monitored intercourse. It must be a joke. (Reply to this)

	redaxe 2008-01-20 07:50 pm UTC (link)
	So much for infertile folks marrying. Or post-menopausal women. Oh. Wait. Can't say "post-menopausal" in Virginia. (Even aside from it having too many syllables for the legislature to pronounce.) :-) (Reply to this)(Thread)

	155metrocard 2008-01-20 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	what about people who just loathe children? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	redaxe 2008-01-21 04:04 am UTC (link)
	Breaking Divine Law, dontcha know? Damned for all eternity, and if you'll pass the rusty spoon, I'll help ensure they both get their desire to be sterile AND suffer here on earth. :-) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	155metrocard 2008-01-21 04:17 am UTC (link)
	...so you're like a divine enforcer? that's stupid. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	redaxe 2008-01-21 04:38 am UTC (link)
	Nope. Just suggesting that the proposed law (if real) is idiotic. But that doesn't remove the obnoxiousness of many (not all) childfree folks, who really SHOULD be sterilized if they're sincere in their beliefs. (But the rusty spoon is reserved for the ones who use the term "breeders" as a curse.) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	155metrocard 2008-01-21 04:46 am UTC (link)
	Good to know I dodged the spoon. How do you feel about the term 'crotchfruit'? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

redaxe
2008-01-21 04:52 am UTC (link)

Feh.

In general, I think anyone disparaging kids qua kids needs a reminder that they, too, were young (and probably serious menaces to society) once. ("Rugrats" is a not-unreasonable term.)

I don't want to get into it here on someone else's turf; let's just say that childfree is like any other religion: best kept to oneself, and not proseletyzed, evangelized, or used to insult nonbelievers for a difference of belief. (You want to insult parents' parenting styles? Go right ahead, as long as you're pointing to something specific, not just having had kids in the first place.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

155metrocard
2008-01-21 05:05 am UTC (link)

crotchfruit is reserved for the kids that act like assholes with no manners appropriate to their age. I was never a menace to society child. My mother put the fear into me. I did nothing to cross her whatsoever.
We also have friends with kids, which are generally well behaved. Basically, I don't care if people have kids or not. My role is to be a supportive friend to them.
I mostly can't stand it when people tell me "Don't worry, it'll happen for you," as if there is something wrong with not wanting kids. That's up there with the dozen or so people that gave me religious tracts when I had a shaved head. Assholes.

Any child of mine would have to have a fuckton of therapy, that's for sure.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

redaxe
2008-01-21 05:12 am UTC (link)

Eh. I'd rather someone called my kid an asshole or some equivalent rather than crotchfruit, mainly because the former usually a reaction to how s/he's acting, and not merely the fact that they were born. As you note, there are well-behaved kids, who ALSO could be (and probably have been, by some of the more militant childfree folks) described as "crotchfruit."

If you don't want kids, more power to you. If you've ensured it, then big props. I see nothing wrong with that as a lifestyle, provided (as you seem to be able to do) that it's not pushed onto me, for my differences.

Now, as to the idiocy proposed (seriously or otherwise) in the original post, THERE's some snarkworthy stuff.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	155metrocard 2008-01-21 05:18 am UTC (link)
	Truly. Though, I think that the real AP would make better use of spellcheck. and fact-checking, for that matter. :) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	madbodger 2008-01-21 06:16 am UTC (link)
	Oops, misspelled `official'. Fixed. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	dianec42 2008-01-20 08:22 pm UTC (link)
	Wow. I foresee a lot of driving across the border to more sensible states. (Reply to this)

	twistdfateangel 2008-01-20 09:15 pm UTC (link)
	...Please tell me this is a joke. I'm getting married in two years. I don't want to fight with the gov't. about whether or not our love is good enough for them. (Reply to this)

	chesuli 2008-01-20 10:50 pm UTC (link)
	snort Thank you, I needed a laugh like this today. Though accompanied by a shudder at how close to reality it could become... or how close reality could come to this, more accurately. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	vvalkyri 2008-01-20 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	yah i was laughing too but figured it eas a protest bill. when i parsed that it was purportedly already law i was sad to see it was only a joke. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	free_of_whip 2008-01-20 11:06 pm UTC (link)
	Nah, it will never happen. The Virginia legislators who want to ban gay marriage would never go along with anything that could endanger their own tenth marriages to much younger women. (Reply to this)

	vvalkyri 2008-01-20 11:16 pm UTC (link)
	i'm just impressed that this is the top google hit for rob marsnall virginia only 5 hrs after posting. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	free_of_whip 2008-01-21 01:47 am UTC (link)
	Well, his name is actually Rob Marshall, so this is only the top hit for this variant of the name. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	155metrocard 2008-01-21 04:18 am UTC (link)
	besides, it's not on AP's feed. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	GIP wayward_va 2008-01-21 06:09 am UTC (link)
	In case anybody wants the icon. While the above is quite silly, and kudos for the post btw, I could easily see some of the Christian wingnuts pushing for the option to annul any marriage that did not produce children within two years. It's God's will, after all, that we go forth and multiply to make more soldiers for Christ. shudder Ok, I think I need a shower. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	also_huey 2008-01-21 04:27 pm UTC (link)
	Thank God forward-thinking legislators coupled with my vasectomy will prevent me from acting on my temptation to find another woman who doesn't love me and buy her a house. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: GIP scruffycritter 2008-01-21 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	I've said for years I want to sell a "as long as they are married to eachother, hetero and keep to the missionary position" bumper sticker to put right next to that icon's sticker. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Cool quote (Anonymous) 2008-05-13 12:15 pm UTC (link)
	Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee. -- Kim Hubbard ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://xanga.com/luisacareylo (Reply to this)

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